Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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