There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize