hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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