go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize