Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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