he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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