I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize