i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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