I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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