Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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