I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
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Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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