I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
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I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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