my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize