mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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