I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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