I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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