Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
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On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
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As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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