FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
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I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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