if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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