Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize