you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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