JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was confusing and full of hummus
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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