im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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