He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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