ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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