even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
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What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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