Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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