No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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