he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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