You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
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All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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