Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize