ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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