Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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