I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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