I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize