Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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