you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize