this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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