I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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