you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize