I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize