WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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