i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Someone shattered a urinal.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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