I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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