another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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