i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize