She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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