Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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I just found puke in my bra..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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