Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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