I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
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You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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